Chit Chat

Do you have a lot of close friends?

Since graduating law school and moving back to my hometown my group of friends have gotten incredibly small. I had a huge group of friends in high school and in college. In law school my group of friends became smaller but still there was always numerous people to spend time with, to go on adventures with, to share the huge work load that comes with law school, and to meet in library study rooms at 4 a.m. the morning of a final with smuggled in coffee and cinnamon rolls to devour while we tried desperately to cram the last bits of important information into our tired brains. I built strong personal connections with these friends. For three years they were always there. We would listen to each other whine and complain without judging. We would push everything aside to help each other out and we had fun, crazy, laugh until your stomach hurts fun. Now we are scattered across the country working in stressful, time-consuming jobs that leave almost a nonexistent amount of free time.

I miss this group of friends. It is difficult to go from having friends to go out with numerous times a week, people to eat every lunch (and most dinners) with, being greeted warmly and wholeheartedly every morning to almost never seeing some of the most important people in your life. It is somewhat isolating. I am not the best at keeping in touch but I have been trying hard to maintain these friendships. We send numerous texts, we try to catch each other on the phone, and I have a pact with my best friend to leave work at the same time at least once a week and to talk to each other during our entire drives home but in reality it is not the same. I would love to have more friends close by that I could go out to dinner with or whose house I could swing by without much thought (or without driving a minimum of four or five hours).

While some of my high school friends still live in my hometown it is difficult to reignite the close friendships we had in high school because it feels like we are at different places in our lives. Most of my former high school classmates entered the workforce after college whereas I had three additional years of school in front of me, some are married (or even divorced), and some have children. It doesn't help that my schedule is often jammed pack.

Living in a very small town there isn't a lot of opportunities to make friends and I feel like as I get older, perhaps due to busy schedules, being at different places in life, or simply becoming picker about those we allow into our circles making friends gets harder.

So I would love to know how do you make new friends and develop lasting friendships? Are most of your friends those who remain from high school and college? Do you have a large group of friends or just a trusted few? How do you maintain the friendships you make? And do you have any specific tips that might apply to me?

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  1. I don't have too many close friends, i've moved so much it's hard to keep up with most of them. But, the ones I do have are the best!! I think it's good to have at least one best friend to be there in the hard times!! xx

  2. My friends and I all live far away since college- I've moved to a different state, some are still in grad school, some live with their boyfriends, etc. It's hard to keep in touch and at times I feel friendless, but oh well. I live with a bf so it's not as easy to make friends compared to a girl who lives with a female roommate, you know?

  3. I only have a couple of good friends. Most of my former friends are married w/children. I don't have either, so I was pretty much excluded. LOL Participate in hobbies you enjoy and people that share that same interest will connect with you.

  4. the one person that i talk to the most and share (almost) everything with is a guy. not quite the same as your girlfriends! i am still in touch with my intermediate/high school gang mostly thru text/FB...we try to get together as often as we can, but it usually amounts to only a few times a year.

    over the past year, i've become close with the neighborhood moms...we have wine nights at least once a week.

    other than that - i agree it is hard to meet new people if you are busy with your normal work (and kids') routines. i, too, miss that ability to just grab a friend and go! i think volunteering is a great way to meet new people in general.

  5. I've got a lot of good friends but I think the hardest part was when our relationships were changing so much and I wanted the same consistancy but once I realised that wasn't the case and made peace with it - things became easier.
    Making new friends is now more random and I have found that I now make friends with totally different people :)
    There are no rules... just a little bit of luck

  6. I feel the same way - it's so hard when all your closest friends are spread across the country. My friends and I often talk about how hard it is to make friends in your twenties. I spend so much time at work, by the time I get home each night, it's hard to find time to go out and meet new people. I've been very lucky that I"ve been able to travel to visit friends every few months. It keeps me going :)

  7. My best friends both moved. One moved to Lexington and one to Paducah. Previously I'd see these ladies at least 5 times a month or more. Now I haven't see one since March and the other since November. It's harder when we get older to find and maintain those relationships. The ones we find in high school and college are able to be nurtured because we have the time, to get to know each other, spend with each other. I made both of my best friends in high school, though one didn't become my best friend till college when we both ended up pregnant at the same time. Currently, I spend a lot of time with my cousin, but between us it's by default because there's no one else there. I often joke that my seven year old daughter and niece are my best friends, and it's getting that way. They are always around.


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